Questions???

Is God really REAL??? Many people trust in God however how are we to really know? I want to believe that he is real and at times i really do. But when my faith in God is not so strong how can I be sure? Pressing on through prayer is really difficult especially when you're feeling like during prayer all that you are doing is processing a situation by yourself. Believe it or not, I have not lost all of my trust in God but Right now I am full of WHY QUESTIONS that have no answers yet. How am I supposed to answer some of these why questions when I have too much attitude and frustration with God. So many questions and subjects are running through my brain at amazing speeds and all with the same importance so where do I begin? Taking a long drive tonight has made me think about where i stand with God. Oh man am I small!!!! I'm pretty sure that God is real but I'm frustrated with the fact that God seems to appear more real in other people than in me. With understanding that I must want the relationship with God and be willing to build a relationship with God I have found some reality. My reality is that right now my relationship with God is not Strong. Also, I know that is up to me to reach out to God in order to change this relationship. This is going to be a lot of work to begin to try and find some answers for my own personal knowledge and trust. God help me to want you! This new post sounds awfully scary but it is truthful. Being honest about where I'm at is the first step. My second step is to ask for outside help! My third step is to press on and search for truth. I may question God and go for a ride in order to process feelings and information but in the end I am continuing to look for a better relationship with God for sharing with others as I learn.

Returning to the reality that I NEED God!!!

Okay, so after this weekend my final conclusion is that I officially need to do some more praying and reading. Okay, Okay if you really want the truth it is that I need to not only do some more but I need to return to a place to return to the beginning. It has been too long with too many excuses! I need to make a big turn around and spend as much time with God as possible. Oh yeah... to a normal person this sounds crazy however to me and other people who believe in God it is just common sense to walk with God who has the most amazing intentions for you rather than walking away from him. So, as I return to church tomorrow whether others are praising and talking with God or not, I will be. Only someone who doesn't understand the truth would chose to walk away from a God who loves you and with who nothing is impossible with. As a result of spending this week end thinking about God, I have chosen to be as persistant as possible in spending my time learning about God and building a relationship with God. I am so excited to spend more Quality time with him!!!

Okay...so maybe I could live without excuses!

So yeah, I know that I haven't written in a while but honestly I've been extremely too busy to fully focus on God and even more too busy to blog about God. And Oh Boy ... that is not good!!! So, this weekend at the ladies retreat has been awesome.
Since the Sunday that my pastor's wife gave me the flier about the ladies retreat, I have been thinking about whether I was going to come. Every time I was asked if i was going to attend the ladies retreat I answered I'm not sure or I thought of an excuse, however I never stopped considering this opportunity to attend. Both Thursday and Friday, I felt like I really needed to go to the retreat. As usual as the thought of needing to go became stronger I thought of more reasons to not go. Guess what...It didn't work. At lunch on Friday I called Michelle with all of my excuses but excuses don't seem to be hidden so well when talking with Michelle. So, I am currently at the ladies retreat in West Lebanon, New Hampshire and it is almost two o'clock in the morning. I am having a blast!!!
Driving here was mostly fun. The only part that was hard was when the big trucks kept passing me. But PLEASE NOTE that I DID NOT get lost!!! I was an hour late but when I arrived I made it just in time to hear most of the message. The first part of the message that Iheard was that we MUST SUBMIT OURSELVES TO AUTHORITY ( God's authority) Later on I heard that we should have enough faith built up that sends a message such as I am woman hear me roar! I really enjoyed the message, took notes and I will be bringing a copy of the message back to share with friends. In addition, I will be putting myself in check by listening to the entire message over again and looking through my bible and Strong's to study specific parts of the message out.
Realizing that I really need to decide if I am going to live for God or the world, I have realized that I have a lot of bible studying to do as well as praying. This is going to take some of my personal time to work things out with God but I'm thinking that I really don't have a choice in the matter. I can either work things out with God or I can deal with the natural consequences of not having a relationship with God. Hummmmmm...hard choice...what to do, what to do...Do I really have to pray and work on putting God first...Is this really going to be hard...being obedient to God and have some self discipline/control... Well, my final answer is ... I guess so. I have been given two choices and only one sounds good.
Well, these are just random thoughts at 2:06 am and I think that I really should be getting to sleep. I am going to try and wake up early tomorrow. I am so excited to have more fellowship with the ladies from different churches. I didn't think that i would know many people at the ladies retreat but so far I have had a great opportunity to visit with people I know. Our conversations have been so exciting! I can't wait until tomorrow. I wonder what the message will be. The excitement is really starting to take off and I am realizing some more how much I really enjoy spending time with other "Church People" at special retreats. Even more... I can't wait for church camp to begin this summer!!! Have a GREAT night and I will see or talk to y'all later!