Home Feels Like So Far Away
Tonight's message in Barre was nothing but the truth. I know I've heard this over and over again...but when am I going to give in. Jason M. preached about not being able to live two lives. I have got to choose to live for God or live with out God but I can't do both or I'll be miserable. Well, I know this.... hummmm....let me think about it some more...... will the thinking about it ever end? I know that there is a God, I know that I can trust God cause he can do anything and he is the only one in control. However, I also know that in order to live for God you must do the work. Most people seem to not have a problem with this. I didn't at first until now. I don't know what changed. Now I question why I'm living this way. So, I decided to do a do over with my walk with God. Starting at the beginning so I know exactly why. Well, guess what...starting over is hard work! It feels like I have cut most of the ties with God. I know that he is still with me but where did his power go? I love hearing his music, and praying with him but when I need to push until something happens...yeah, about that. It's not working! No actually, I'm not trying. I give up, Quit and think what a pain in the but...Why can't I get home... to the place where God and I were able to talk? For longer than five minutes!
After service I went to the golden arches with some close friends. They are definetly going home to God's house in heaven. I don't even have to say a word and in their presence which is also God's presence because they are so close, I'm able to relax. All stress goes out the window with reality leaving my thoughts. They are like family and hanging with them feels like I'm at home. Conversation or not I could just sit with them forever. So, driving home, I thought and listened to another couple of friends singing. They too are like family. Around them I feel very safe and relaxed to just be me. One day when I have a home I want that type of atomsphere. All the way home I listened to them sing. Part of the song says, " And he ran to me took me in his arms held my head to his chest and said my son's come home again" ................... Doesn't that sound so GREAT! I wish that God could just come down and hold me in his arms just to say "you know I still love you" .................... That would really help ya know...If he could just be hear to help me get back on the right road with him. I just need to get beyond this red traffic light. God, please turn the light green in time for me to make it.
I know that right now is not the time to not be right in the eyes of God. I also know that I need my own experience with God. Tonight, I asked God in the car for help, to meet me half way. It feels like I'm in the movie Facing the Giants, and I'm trying to get through the death crawl. I told God I need help, I can't make it to the end...please meet me half way. I cried and I waited... He said,"no?" What is up with that? But God can do anything. I know he wants to come half way and meet me but he has reached a point where he has got to see that I want to be near him too. I thought to myself and said to God, "But it hurts too much!" And God said,"yeah, but If it doesn't hurt than you'll never push through and get motivated to find your way to me!"
This is a bit much. Why does everyone have to have their own experience? I wish mine was easier. Well, it looks like I am over the hunny moon period! Now I get to work for what I want. I don't want to grow up...I want to be a ToysRus Kid. But hopefully the bible is right when it said, "Greater is he that is with in me."
After service I went to the golden arches with some close friends. They are definetly going home to God's house in heaven. I don't even have to say a word and in their presence which is also God's presence because they are so close, I'm able to relax. All stress goes out the window with reality leaving my thoughts. They are like family and hanging with them feels like I'm at home. Conversation or not I could just sit with them forever. So, driving home, I thought and listened to another couple of friends singing. They too are like family. Around them I feel very safe and relaxed to just be me. One day when I have a home I want that type of atomsphere. All the way home I listened to them sing. Part of the song says, " And he ran to me took me in his arms held my head to his chest and said my son's come home again" ................... Doesn't that sound so GREAT! I wish that God could just come down and hold me in his arms just to say "you know I still love you" .................... That would really help ya know...If he could just be hear to help me get back on the right road with him. I just need to get beyond this red traffic light. God, please turn the light green in time for me to make it.
I know that right now is not the time to not be right in the eyes of God. I also know that I need my own experience with God. Tonight, I asked God in the car for help, to meet me half way. It feels like I'm in the movie Facing the Giants, and I'm trying to get through the death crawl. I told God I need help, I can't make it to the end...please meet me half way. I cried and I waited... He said,"no?" What is up with that? But God can do anything. I know he wants to come half way and meet me but he has reached a point where he has got to see that I want to be near him too. I thought to myself and said to God, "But it hurts too much!" And God said,"yeah, but If it doesn't hurt than you'll never push through and get motivated to find your way to me!"
posted by Sandra Jones @ 11:34 PM
2 Comments:
It is true, Greater is He that is within you...and remember, He IS within you. I have found over the years that I make living for God hard for myself. He has made it easy, and I made it hard, really hard a lot of the time. He wants us to relax, live our lives, talk to Him throughout the day and watch as He does the things in our lives that only He can do. Just ask Him to help you and he will. The other day I was really in a bad mood, Jack and I started to pray together...that made me angry, I don' know why, but it did...so I just prayed hard and loud and angry, and told God I was angry (course He knew it all along) and when I was done, I was still angry...well, about 10 minutes later, I realized I wasn't angry anymore, as a matter of fact, I felt quite peaceful all of a sudden, and Jack and I had a wonderful day. Not because of anything I did...I just let God know, relaxed and it all smoothed out. The same for you sweet and precious Sandy. Don't try too hard, but determin in your mind that God is right (beacause He is), and living for Him is the most beautiful way to live ever...and there are NO, nada, none, not one, NO regrets the next day when one lives according to Gods plan for our lives. Now, it isn't easy, he does not give us a bed of softness and roses, how are we going to toughen up and gorw up into Him? His sweet presence will surprise you when you just relax, breathe deep and know that He is God and He takes care of everything! Much love to you.
Sounds to me like you DO have your own experience with God... you just don't realize it! If you didn't, then you wouldn't have gotten a response from him...
God said,"yeah, but If it doesn't hurt than you'll never push through and get motivated to find your way to me!
See? You spoke with him and he answered! You have more than you think in God, sweet girl! We're all here cheering for you! I know you have it in you to make the effort.... and really, like Julie says, if you relax in Him, it gets a whole lot easier. Look at it as a privilege instead of a burden. You'll make it! Phil. 1:6 says
He who began a good work in you is able to COMPLETE it!!!!!
LOVE YOU!!!
MamaDoodle
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