Calling it like it is...so, what is it really?
What is going on? Will someone please let me know who I am? Right now I'm full of confusion and know matter what I do, I'm just not doing good enough. Living for God is not working because I don't know what is really God and what is me or human. Some people think that I am practicing my liberty by some of the general observations, but they are far from the truth. I'm so glad that people think that they know all of my intentions when I'm not even sure of my own intentions.
Living like worldly people does not work either, because I have been not living like the people of this world. I don't sin and make poor choices like some of them do. Really, I wish that people would help me through encouragement, providing me with feedback or suggestions with scriptures to back up their thoughts. If others used common sense when they decide to open their mouths then, It would be easier for me to take into consideration what they're really trying to tell me. Telling others what you think they should do now or in the future would be more beneficial to see some kind of change.
So, finishing up this post...I really hope for my sake that I figure out how to live as a Christian, individual, Professional, Family member, Friend, Student and whatever other role life decides to throw my way. I'm getting tired of trying to be good enough and I'm resorting to the familiar, however far back familiar seems to be to me. I will not be told what to do or how to act but I will live according to the values that I learn over time to be righteous. In some peoples opinions, I am currently not showing that I am able to be a righteous person but that is why I must start from the beginning and learn through self teaching. I wish that self teaching didn't have to involve so much but with the feeling of little support in general all around makes self teaching a must. I do want my own experiences but they're just not available to me or so it seems.
I must apologize for being in such a down mood right now. I'm posting exactly what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling, and although it sounds depressing ... hey, at least it is all honest. Hopefully, the next post will be written with some kind of hope.
posted by Sandra Jones @ 10:47 PM
3 Comments:
Sandy,
Thank you for your candor and your honesty. I appreciate how straight you tell everything. I am also somewhat comforted to hear that I'm not the only one struggling right now.
Thanks again.
Bekah
Bekah,
Thanks for you consistent comments back. Really, I expected that this post would not be taken very well by others but you didn't assume or judge where I'm at spiritually or emotionally. And for that I must say thank you. Sometimes when life gives me these dramatic stumble blocks I need to write and take long drives to help myself process what to do or what is going on. But support and understanding is an added bonus that I'm so lucky to receive. I hope all is well with you and that you might have some good tricks to use for dealing with reality. I'll pray for you and hope that your situation whatever it might be clears itself up and is able to give you a vision of what to do and where to go next. Even through our struggles God is in controll and taking the wheel for us. As it was said in Facing the Giants, "God will send us rain but it is up to us to decide if we are going to prepare our fields to receive it" Now I just need to see how I can apply this to my life and It has a high potential of being good. If there is anything that I could do to help encourage you please let me know.
Thanks again,
Sandy
Hey girl, it's MamaDoodle. Again, you shine in your honest approach to figuring this all out. God likes that. So do I. You know... the only one who TRULY knows who you are is Jesus. All our messed up human thinking will keep you confused, but God knew you before He formed you in the womb... remember Louie Giglio? That 3 billion character genetic code that spells out exactly who YOU, Sandy Jones, really are? Just check in with Him. He'll show you who you are. But if you want a short answer, you are WONDERFUL! The Ziters love you just the way you are!! :)
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